The real reason that change is hard
Your brain is absolutely committed to consistency.
This explanation made a huge difference to many of my clients perhaps it’ll help you too.
See their perspective up until this point was that they were inconsistent, weak willed, unmotivated or somehow didn’t want it enough.
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⭕️ You will never fully convince someone they are wrong, only reality can. Support them to expose their reality
⭕️ The place you most need to go is hidden where you least want to look. Get a coach, board, mentor and give them freedom to challenge you.
⭕️ There is no evolution without skin in the game. Evolution is often dependent upon facing your fears.
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2. You’re using hierarchy to move people.
You have become so wrapped up in urgency that you are crossing the boundaries into telling people what to do or doing things for them. This serves to make them think that they are useless and that you think you are better than them. Driving stress, poor culture, quiet quitting and high staff churn
3. You have become reliant upon short term negative consequences to cause you to act
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They have always been people with a lot of responsibility. CxO’s, Partners, Doctors, Judges, Entrepreneurs etc
But back in my personal training days working with these folks I would be pulling my hair out trying to get them to create the habits necessary to achieve what they were paying me for.
Their lives were just so unpredictable.
They would get incredible results in 21,30 and even 60 day programs but eventually they would regress back to mean and back to the shape they were previously in.
That’s when I started exploring neuroscience and quickly discovered where I was going wrong.
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You’re supposed to be yourself and say what you think which is the extreme opposite of the old advice, ‘fake it til you make it’.
I speak to leaders all the time who say words to the effect of,
“I know I know my stuff, I know I know my business, why can’t I shake this impostor feeling?”
Do you find yourself making things up on the fly trying to sound like you know what you’re taking about even when you aren’t sure?
Do you find yourself avoiding new approaches even when the current approach isn’t working so well?
Do you feel like you always have to be the smartest in the room?
Do you hate having your ideas challenged?
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Nobody says to themselves ‘TODAY I will overwork and negatively impact my health and relationships.’
Just like nobody saying to themselves ‘today I will under work and jeopardise the success of the business and my career.’
We all know this really.
It is BELIEF that drives action and ADVICE seldom changes belief.
So even with awareness of the particular case, actually seeing evidence of overwork or underwork the advice is ignorant at BEST.
This didn’t come to me in a moment of realisation.
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I absolutely LOVE working with leaders who are inspired to build something amazing while also uniting a group of people behind that cause. The truth is that they are highly competent individuals BUT in MOST cases the skills that got them to where they are are the exact same skills that are causing their struggles in health, energy, communication and relationship.
Through my REINVENTION programme I support them to adopt the skills of understanding and embracing their brain to use it more to their advantage. Using prediction and response to create calm in themselves and others and using curiosity to give themselves and others the clarity they need to become autonomous and happy.
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Eventually every leader realises that you can have all the success in the world. But if you don’t have good quality time and energy left to spend with the people you love then it’s all for nothing. But when it was HUSTLE and HARD WORK that got you where you are it can be hard to believe there is any other way. Yet believe you MUST if you are to start taking steps towards creating it.
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Successful leaders seem to have more patience, more presence and more time. They never seem in a rush or to be OVERWHELMED by business and life. Ultimately the difference between the successful and the overwhelmed leaders is what they DO. In this ‘mini series’ I will highlight the 10 major differences between my SUCCESS clients and struggling leaders I speak to.
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It doesn’t matter how much you have had enough of your, low energy, constant phone use or working into the evening, ADDING more actions to an overwhelmed system will always result in more overwhelm.
FORCING in the new actions you THINK will help will always result in dropping it when motivation is low or something more critical comes up.
Forcing new ACTION into an already overwhelmed schedule will NEVER create, uh... whelm.
Don’t get me wrong. ADDING in the diet, the meditation, the exercise, the yoga or what ever system it might be that promises to finally create that feeling of grounded presence and energy, are all powerful strategies.
But they are NOT the first step if you find yourself in this position, they are more like the 13th or 14th step.
I get it, if you feel like you’re living reactively and constantly being pulled out of the moment it makes total sense to add in meditation that has been proven to improve attention and focus.
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You don’t have a GREED or LAZINESS problem
It’s true, you might have a problem that manifests it’s self in excess fat storage.
It’s also true that part of the ingredients of that problem might be an overconsumption of calories for the amount you are burning from day to day.
But laziness, as in the deliberate and wilful resistance of movement is not nor never has been the problem.
Nor is the problem the deliberate drive towards overconsumption of calories to the point of discomfort at each and every meal because you want it ALL for yourself.
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There’s the peers path, this one seems safe and familiar. It’s full of the me too’s of shared experience. But often me too’s are of shared suffering of disconnected relationships, illness, back pain and what’s wrong with people who don’t think like us.
There’s the praise path, this path is often intoxicating as first we acted and got applause. Now we act for the applause and find ourselves pandering to it. It controls our choices and so direction. We are blown where ever the wind takes us and physically suffer, first only when the applause is silent then always as we see the difference between acceptance and entertainment.
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It notices hormonal, postural, tonal and pitch changes in others and then changes how we feel in order to guide us towards making decisions that might save ours or even our children’s lives all without us being consciously aware of it.
Again, I won’t go into detail here but the important question I think is,
Is it more likely that this incredible piece of equipment is broken in some way, that we somehow have to contend with a lazy, demotivated, angry, shy, anxious, overwhelmed, depressed or stressed model?
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They used to freak me out too cos I had this idea that I needed to know the steps to get there even if they didn’t.
Now I look forward to hearing what they say because it’s just so blood inspiring to watch.
But the myth that comes with the idea of achieving the dream is that we have to do something radical, that’s what stops them including it too.
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When we extract the lessons the memory shrinks and at the same time we become more whole in the present and better equipped to succeed at the same challenge.
Often my clients will produce exact steps of how to go about failing at the very challenge they have come to me for help with. With that comes the confident of success in the present.
Thought that might be a cool thing to know. I have found it seriously useful and often I’ll notice that I’m noticeably more relaxed from day to day.